


would you be so kind

by doitsushine92



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-20 23:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21289910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doitsushine92/pseuds/doitsushine92
Summary: (Soulmate AU) Only one person knows about the other(s). Jaehyun, the bearer of three other names, is the only one who can bring them all together.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Jungwoo, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Jungwoo/Nakamoto Yuta/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Nakamoto Yuta, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 10
Kudos: 216





	would you be so kind

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:**
> 
> (Soulmate AU) Only one person knows about the other(s). Jaehyun, the bearer of three other names, is the only one who can bring them all together.
> 
> Title from the song by Dodie!!

Here’s how mornings go in the Seo-Jung household.

Jaehyun struggles to break out of Johnny’s grip, a fight that usually lasts a good five minutes until the older boy is awake enough to realize Jaehyun has to get out of bed, which means he needs to move, _now_. Once Johnny is kind enough to keep his arms to himself, Jaehyun will stumble to the bathroom, squint at the harsh lights - they keep saying they're going to trade the light bulbs for some softer ones, but never do - and start about his business. After he washes his face and brushes his teeth, Jaehyun jumps into the shower. 

And of course, once that’s over with, he stands in front of the mirror, grabs his concealer and starts covering up all soulmarks on his body.

He starts with the first tattoo. Johnny’s name is there, written in his handwriting, just above his heart. Johnny has the habit of tracing the letters with his fingers during lazy mornings, a sensation that will never leave Jaehyun’s bodily memories. The second mark is higher on his chest, just below his collarbones: the name Nakamoto Yuta in boxy handwriting. The name that everyone knows, the name that Jaehyun has the hardest time hiding. In his experience, makeup wears off quickly and leaves him exposed. Lower in his body, on the small of his back, is a third name, Kim Jungwoo. Jaehyun never bothers concealing it, because he simply doesn’t take his shirt off if he isn’t home.

Johnny has tried to convince him, time and time again, to stop covering up, reminding him that he has so many friends willing to stand up for him if anyone even thinks about saying shit to him - "You know Doyoung and Sicheng will plan a hit on anyone that looks at you wrong, Jaehyun," - but Jaehyun has too many bad memories, too many bad experiences from his childhood and early teenage years to even think about exposing himself like that. He may be in college now, but that doesn't mean people have stopped being assholes. They're just better at hiding it now.

It takes him around twenty minutes to get the job done, and by then Johnny is awake too and in the kitchen, fighting with the shitty coffee maker. Jaehyun knows they can afford another one, but Johnny has grown a strange attachment to it, even if it gives him slight electric shocks whenever he plugs it in. Jaehyun never uses it for that exact reason. 

"Good morning," Johnny greets him, not quite looking at him. He's searching for a way to stop the machine from overflowing. "Today is your test, right?"

"Which one?" Jaehyun groans, slumping head first onto the bar. He can't see, but he feels Johnny card gentle fingers through his hair, rubbing the skin of his nape and overall making him feel better about the day ahead. 

Johnny hums. "Today is the politics one, right?" he guesses. He's right, Jaehyun thinks. Johnny makes a pleased sound when Jaehyun nods an affirmative, tapping Jaehyun's neck twice before pulling away. Jaehyun peels his head off the granite counter and stares at Johnny as the older man putters around the kitchen, putting together something for breakfast. 

Their fridge is empty, but unlike years ago when Jaehyun was a first year trying to make it until the end of the month, it's only because the two of them are too lazy to go grocery shopping. Sicheng keeps nagging Jaehyun to buy food, even going as far as threatening to send Doyoung after him, but Jaehyun knows there's no heat behind those words. Taeyong, on the other hand, is all actions, and more than once, he’s shown up at their doorstep with groceries hanging from his wrists and a disapproving frown on his face.

"So you feel prepared?" Johnny asks. He never tries to feed Jaehyun fake confidence, doesn't remind him how many hours he spent studying, because he knows it means nothing to Jaehyun. Instead, he asks Jaehyun how he feels. "Is it an easy topic?"

"It's on constitutions," Jaehyun yawns. "First year stuff. It's just a core subject, it doesn’t relate to my major, anyway."

"It still counts," Johnny gently reminds him. He laughs at Jaehyun's scowl. "Don't look at me like that. You know it's true. And you didn't answer my question. Do you feel prepared to take this test?"

"Yes," Jaehyun sighs. He finds he means it. "I promised Sicheng to meet up with him this morning, though. Sorry, hyung," he adds sheepishly at Johnny's betrayed look. "We'll have lunch together, okay?"

Johnny nods, replacing the frown with a smile. Jaehyun retreats to their bedroom to find something to wear - it always takes him too long, because he keeps freaking out about how much skin he's covering with this shirt in comparison to that one, how warm will it keep him given the weather, and does it actually look good with these jeans? He needs to be better about this whole laundry business. 

It pains him to conceal Johnny's name, but they agreed it was a lot easier and Johnny keeps reminding him that he understands; he can only imagine what it's like for Jaehyun. It doesn't make it any less awful for him, however. Jaehyun knows what people say behind their backs - and often to their faces, too, - how terrible they find it that they are together, when as far as everyone knows Jaehyun's soulmate is some boy named Nakamoto Yuta. They don't know about the two other soulmarks on his body, and Jaehyun isn't about to tell them, either.

"Wear that one," Johnny suggests as he walks in, cereal bowl in hand and a mouthful of fruit loops. "The grey one - yeah. It looks good," he says.

"Thanks," Jaehyun mutters. He dresses in a hurry, eager to get out. Choosing an outfit always flares up his anxiety, especially with Johnny in the room. He's never told him that.

Jaehyun is thankful when the day is over and he is free to go home. His joints ache and he wants nothing more than to change into his sweatpants, put on a trashy movie and cuddle Johnny until he’s forgotten all about Marxism. He is already fantasizing about the large pizza he will order – all for himself, too, Johnny can get his own – when Johnny texts him a flurry of messages, the last one which reads he’s at Ten’s place and Jaehyun should swing by. Jaehyun groans, exasperated, tired and annoyed, but gets off the bus one stop earlier and does, as Johnny wants him to.

The first thing to greet him as he steps into Ten’s expensive condominium is the smell of curry. Johnny is sitting on the couch, Ten’s cat on his lap. Ten is sprawled next to him with his reading glasses on, a large textbook abandoned on the floor beside them. Kun is in the adjacent kitchen, mumbling to himself about spices. The apartment is a bit chilly in spite of the weather outside and the large windows overlook upstate Seoul. It’s a beautiful sight and Jaehyun is immediately less upset about the whole ordeal.

“Jaehyunnie!” Ten spots him first. He waves enthusiastically at Jaehyun, scaring his cat out of the couch. The cat doesn’t have a name, because Ten never bothered to give him one. “I’m so glad you could make it! You get to be Kun’s taste tester, isn’t that great?”

“He’s only excited because he doesn’t like spices,” Kun shoots back. He doesn’t bother turning around as he speaks, flipping the pages of the culinary book on the counter next to him. “But my cooking is great, so you don’t have to worry.”

“Hey, I’m always happy to be fed,” Jaehyun chuckles.

He leans down to allow Johnny to kiss his forehead, flopping over him as he goes. Johnny only laughs, accommodates him on his lap so they can both be comfortable. Of course, it would have been sweeter if Ten didn’t shout, “Me too!” and then gleefully threw himself at them. Johnny groans with an elbow in his sternum and spits, “Taeyong wouldn’t treat me this way.”

Ten doesn’t pay him any mind - as per usual - and only grins at Jaehyun as they work around each other. Johnny finds himself buried under flailing limbs and skinny elbows, but it isn’t anything he hasn't lived before. Even before he met Jaehyun, he had Ten in his life, and the boy hasn’t changed one bit since they were teenagers. Taeyong, either, if he’s being honest, but Taeyong doesn’t treat him like a seat cushion. All that often, anyway.

“I have here,” Kun announces, carrying a tray full of food, “the first five dishes on my project. Dig in.”

Jaehyun doesn’t need to hear that twice. He and Johnny share the meals, sing their praises to Kun’s cooking and enjoy Ten’s disgusted look sent their way. Johnny tries to convince him to try some of it but doesn’t get anywhere, Ten adamantly refusing every attempt. 

An hour later, as Kun returns from recording his experiment and cleaning the kitchen, Jaehyun and Johnny pet Ten’s cat and Ten himself, respectively, until a shrill ringing goes off and Ten moans, launching off the couch and onto the floor. 

“Is that Jungwoo again?” Kun asks, laughing. He has no mercy for his soulmate as he steps over him and settles on the space he left open on the couch. 

“Yes,” Ten wails. “He’s been on my ass about a group assignment for two weeks.”

The two go off on each other, but Jaehyun doesn’t pay attention to them. He and Johnny are too busy having a mutual meltdown. Jaehyun’s eyes are twice their regular size and Johnny is turning red from the effort of holding in his shout of surprise. There’s one thing running through both their heads, a single name screamed over and over in near panic.

_Jungwoo. _

It is per Johnny’s offhanded suggestion that Ten invites Jungwoo over to his apartment. The older boy had said it nonchalantly, almost as if it occurred to him as a second thought – Ten could tell something was wrong with him but kept that to himself. 

The first thing to come out of Jungwoo’s mouth is, “Ten, you’re a fucking loser.” Johnny thinks that’s a fair assumption. Jaehyun doesn’t think anything of it because he doesn’t hear the words. He’s too preoccupied with staring at the boy that walked through the door of Ten’s apartment.

Jungwoo is beautiful. Jaehyun can’t believe this is his soulmate – boys aren’t supposed to be so pretty. It isn’t fair to the rest of them. His hair is honey brown and tousled from the wind, his shirt has some wrinkles and Jaehyun thinks this is what love at first sight feels like. He is sure he looks like an absolute fool. He thinks his mouth is hanging open, his jaw about to hit the ground. He can’t feel his fingers and his blood has gone cold. 

Johnny, next to him, still has some sort of composure. Jaehyun can see him out of the corner of his eye – Johnny’s eyes follow Jungwoo's every move and it doesn’t seem like he’ll be changing that anytime soon. He has that look on his face, the one he sometimes gets when he and Jaehyun are alone and Jaehyun has said something Johnny thinks is sweet even if it was incredibly stupid. 

“These are Jaehyun and Johnny. They don’t usually look like this.”

Jaehyun snaps out of his trance at the sound of his name. Kun has just introduced them to Jungwoo, Jungwoo’s polite smile frozen on his face as he stares at them, and Ten is looking at them as if he is wondering what is wrong with his friends. Jaehyun supposes they deserve that.

“Hi!” Johnny recovers first. His voice is a bit squeaky. “I’m Johnny. This is Jaehyun.”

“Hello,” Jungwoo waves. His eyes flicker down to Jaehyun’s collarbones, where Nakamoto Yuta’s name is, but there’s nothing on his face that indicates what he thinks about that. 

Jaehyun unglues his tongue from the roof of his mouth long enough to utter, “Hey. Nice to meet you.”

“Anyway,” Ten drags out the vowels, “Jungwoo, let’s talk about our project in the dining room.” He speaks slowly. “Let’s get you away from them.”

Jaehyun watches his soulmate be lead away by Ten. Johnny squeezes his thigh in a silent reminder to keep it cool, just enough to bring him back to the present. Kun has his eyes on the two, his eyebrows drawn together – but he doesn’t ask. Instead, he offers to make tea and order pizza for dinner. 

The rest of the night goes by… well, Jaehyun wouldn’t call it smooth sailing, but it is better than the start. Ten asks loudly if they aren’t full after eating all five dishes, to which Johnny and Jaehyun simultaneously say no. Kun calls for their usual delivery place and, after a long argument with Ten, orders a large with pineapples just to spite him. 

Jungwoo opens up more and more as the night progresses. At first, he doesn’t talk much to either of them, but as the night progresses, he begins to notice the dynamics between the four of them and grows more comfortable with Johnny and Jaehyun, and he’s able to join in on the conversation more. Perhaps what is the most surprising thing of all is how flirty he is – he has no mercy for any of them. Jaehyun is fairly certain he catches Ten blushing after a comment aimed at him and Ten is the last person on the planet to grow shy over something such as flirting.

Also, he and Johnny are capable of holding a conversation without making complete fools out of themselves. That’s a plus.

“Jungwoo,” Johnny calls, “How come you’re in Ten’s class? You look younger than him.”

“Are you calling me old, Seo?” Ten demands. He goes largely ignored by everyone at the table, much like their group assignment. Ten sulks and takes a large bite of his pizza, pouting as he chews.

“I’m ahead on credits,” Jungwoo says around a mouthful of pepperoni pizza. “I took classes during the summer since I couldn’t go home and didn’t feel like getting a job.”

Ten snorts. “Didn’t feel like getting a job,” he imitates, although more high pitched than Jungwoo’s voice. “That’s just fancy talk for I don’t need to get a job, I’m so rich.”

“Fuck you, Ten, your apartment is bigger than mine.”

“Yeah and so is my dick.”

Kun groans, although he seems used to this by now. “Enough. You’re both pretty.”

“Anyway.” Jungwoo eyes Ten, as if he’s waiting for him to say something else. “I should be graduating with Ten. Well, not _with_ Ten, I’m a Sales major, but, you know.”

“But, two years?” Jaehyun asks. That seems impressive. “You’re ahead by two full years?”

Jungwoo blushes like a thousand suns reside in his cheeks. Ten kicks Jaehyun under the table as if to say he should cut it out. 

“Yeah.” Jungwoo rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment. “I exonerated all my English classes and started on the internships recently.”

“Wow, that’s cool,” Jaehyun nods. “I’m still kind of dying with my major but its fine, I’ll probably survive.”

“Unlikely. You and Sicheng are crying on my couch constantly.”

“Shut up, Johnny, you’re not funny.”

Two months pass and November rolls around. Jaehyun finishes his semester with almost flying colours. Johnny enters the final stage of his graduate studies. They continue to hang out with Jungwoo, even without Ten and Kun’s presence. Jaehyun falls deeper in love with every passing day. 

It isn’t hard to, all things considered. Jungwoo is funny and charming, has a wicked tongue and the sweetest voice. He tones down the flirting for Jaehyun’s heart’s sake, but that doesn’t mean it goes away entirely. Johnny makes fun of Jaehyun whenever the younger boy is so flustered he can’t even speak and then proceeds to gang up on him with Jungwoo. Jaehyun thinks getting the two of them together was a mistake.

One night, they go to the fair. Ten and Kun tag along, claiming it’s because they want to ride the Ferris wheel, but Jaehyun can see right through Ten and knows he’s doing it because he worries Jungwoo will have his heart broken at the end of this.

So Jaehyun supposes he’s been going at this the wrong way. 

He is yet to tell Jungwoo they are soulmates. He hasn’t told him Johnny is their soulmate, either. He hasn’t really said much to Jungwoo about anything, if Jaehyun thinks about it. Nothing that matters, anyway – Jaehyun has a tendency to word vomit when he’s around Jungwoo. He ranted to him already about his childhood pets, about the singing lessons he took as a kid and about his high school theatre career. 

Jaehyun can see Ten and Kun are beginning to worry about how smitten he seems over Jungwoo. He’s caught Ten looking at Johnny with sad eyes, only to turn to Jaehyun and sneer, as if Jaehyun were some ugly, scaly thing on the side of the road. It stings, yes, but Jaehyun would rather take that than tell them the truth and see their reactions. He doesn’t even know how they will react. 

Kun isn’t as open about his apprehension as his soulmate is, but he isn’t good at pretending he doesn’t care – Kun is the most caring person Jaehyun knows, the only one at par with Taeyong or Johnny. It’s a miracle they haven’t said anything to Jungwoo about Johnny and Jaehyun being together; Jaehyun knows it’s because they, like their other friends, know how Jaehyun feels about having someone else’s name on his skin.

Jungwoo and Johnny get along as easy as breathing. Johnny has the habit of taking care of those around him, and Jungwoo sucks up the attention with a preening smile and pleased hums. It goes both ways, too: Jungwoo picks up on Johnny’s near praise kink – Johnny always bats Jaehyun away when he calls it that, but Jaehyun is just calling them as he sees them – and delivers. Every time Johnny shows him one of his photographs, Jungwoo showers him in heartfelt compliments that leave Johnny pink in the face and smiling cheerfully.

They’re standing in line for the pirate ship. Jaehyun has an arm around Jungwoo’s shoulder and the two are huddled together in search for warmth. Ten and Kun are behind them, and Johnny is to their right. Johnny’s LSD camera hasn’t stopped snapping pictures since they arrived at the fair, and now he’s looking over them.

Ten’s eyes are trained on every inch of skin that is touching between Jaehyun and Jungwoo: Jaehyun’s arm over his shoulder, Jungwoo’s own arm sneaked around Jaehyun’s waist, the casual way they sometimes lean their heads together when they’re laughing. Jaehyun wants to tell Ten to stop looking at him that way, but he doesn’t want to deal with the conversation that would entail.

At one point, as they stand third in line for the ride, Johnny excitedly shows Jungwoo one of the nicer photos he took of him, and Jaehyun thinks, not for the first time, that this is what love is supposed to look like.

It isn’t just the way Johnny is glowing as he shows him the photograph, with a bright smile that overtakes his features and the sweetest blush on his cheeks. It’s also how Jungwoo seemingly can’t decide between embarrassment and gratitude, settling for something halfway, with just a hint of pride at coming out so well on the picture.

And it’s definitely the way Jungwoo looks in the photograph: it’s a shot of his side profile, his face frozen on a joyful smile, his eyes twinkling in delight. Jaehyun knows he took that photo while Kun failed at hitting three bulls-eyes in a row for the second time and he can distinctly remember the way Jungwoo laughed. Jaehyun’s heart had squeezed at the sound.

Sometime around Thanksgiving, Jaehyun thinks about what it means that Jungwoo never shies away from their touches. He used to, before, during the early stages of their relationship – Jaehyun doesn’t know how to call it, isn’t sure he can say it’s friendship or something more -, like he didn’t want to intrude in on the two. He would allow their shoulders to brush or the occasional hug, but no further.

As if a flip has been switched, however, Jungwoo is suddenly a lot more open about his affections. Jaehyun doesn’t know if it’s because he’s starting to see what’s between them - the electricity that seems to course through them every time they’re together - or what, but he’s thankful to whatever it is. 

Today, it’s the three of them in Jungwoo’s apartment. It certainly isn’t as big as Ten’s, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t much fancier than Johnny’s and Jaehyun’s place. Jungwoo’s living room is larger than half their apartment alone and better decorated by a long shot. This is their first time coming over and Jungwoo is bashful under their awed faces, batting them away and changing the subject the first chance he gets. 

They’re here to watch a movie, as he so kindly reminds them. All three, sadly, soon forget the movie. They’re quickly distracted by each other and don’t realise the movie is over until the end credits begin to roll. Jaehyun looks away from Jungwoo and Johnny, their legs overlapping each other’s and their feet planted on Jaehyun’s lap, and notices the apartment is darker than it was before.

“Wait, what happened to the little girl?” Johnny asks no one in particular, almost distressed. 

Jungwoo shakes his head, coming out of his daze. “I didn’t see but I assure you she went home safe, these movies are always like that.” Jungwoo smiles at Johnny’s satisfied little grin. 

Jaehyun stands up from the couch and stretches out his limbs. His t-shirt and hoodie ride up his belly as he goes and he hurries to cover up again, but when he looks at Jungwoo, he’s too busy making heart eyes at Johnny to notice anything else. Sometimes, small blessings come in the form of puppy love.

“You guys want to stay over for dinner?” Jungwoo offers, smiling wickedly, and that’s how they end up in the kitchen, elbows deep in batter as they try to bake something close to edible. Johnny laughs himself to stitches and Jungwoo has flour on his hair.

“This is the most disastrous thing I’ve ever baked,” Jaehyun confesses. “I’m taking a picture and sending it to Kun.”

Jungwoo guffaws. “He’ll die if he sees this.” Jaehyun and Johnny grin at each other in conspiracy and send the photos to their groupchat, anyway. As expected, Kun sends multiple stickers denoting his disgust towards them, same as Doyoung and Taeyong, while Ten and Sicheng demand they save some for them. Jungwoo checks his phone once, sends a sticker of a kitten sticking their tongue out, then goes back to the cake.

They eat standing up in the kitchen, picking up the tattered cake with their fingers and batting at each other for the whipped cream in Jungwoo’s pantry. It’s so much fun; Jaehyun can hardly believe it’s possible. He can’t remember when was the last time he enjoyed himself this much, or laughed this hard. Johnny’s face is glowing with his joy, his canines are in full display, so wonderfully gorgeous and breath taking and Jaehyun wants to keep this moment forever.

Both Jaehyun and Johnny take the chance to snap photographs and roll short films for their classes, Jungwoo the centre of every one of them.

It’s a regular day in his life. It’s a new year, barely two weeks in, and Jaehyun is crossing from the cyber-café to the Film building, large coffee in hand and absolutely no desire to go to class at all. He already has two projects due within a month and his wallet is crying at the expensive gear he needs for one, and he has to remind himself constantly that this is what he loves. This is what he wants to do with his life. 

Johnny isn’t much better off than he is, but he does handle his responsibilities in a more effective way. He enforces a better diet at their apartment, claims the secret to a happy life is to eat healthy, to which Jaehyun replies that he won’t be happy until Johnny gives him back his cheese cream bagel.

Jaehyun isn’t paying attention to where he’s going. It’s early in the morning, just past 8am, and the campus is near-empty. There are a few stragglers that walk past Jaehyun, all looking as tired as he is – save for a select few, those wonderful beings called morning persons, Jaehyun could only hope to be like them – and so, when thundering footsteps grow closer and closer to him, he doesn’t notice until the last second. 

If it weren’t for the years he spent in dance lessons, his face would have met the ground. 

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out Sicheng was the one to tackle him. The boy is the only one that ever does that – that, as in running up to people on the streets without a care for safety. And even if that weren’t enough clues for Jaehyun, the smell of his cologne would be; Sicheng wears a distinctive fragrance scented like apple cider.

Sicheng is speaking rapid fire, something that is a mix of Korean and Chinese alike. Jaehyun doesn’t understand a single word he’s saying, and he tries to communicate so, but Sicheng is in another world right now.

“Winnie,” Jaehyun thinks employing Sicheng’s old nickname could help, “You know I love you beyond reasoning but I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

At least it shakes Sicheng out of his rambling. The boy takes a deep breath, offers Jaehyun a radiant smile, and says, “I’ll buy you another coffee and tell you.”

Jaehyun looks down. His coffee is all over the ground.

Jaehyun takes up Sicheng on his offer. He knows he should be in class right now, but sometimes you must make small sacrifices for your friends, and Sicheng seemed so excited over his news, Jaehyun couldn’t possibly say no to him.

Instead of going to the cyber-café Jaehyun bought his original coffee at, they go to the coffee house three blocks down, where some of Sicheng’s friends work part-time. They often hang out together there, along with Kun, Ten and a few other friends from their classes. Jaehyun really likes their iced Americanos.

While Sicheng goes off to the counter to put in their orders, Jaehyun texts Chaeyeon to please lend him her notes of the class, and then sends a quick text to Johnny about dinner and whether or not they should buy more detergent this week. He mentions, in passing, that he and Sicheng are getting coffee together.

With his new coffee in hand and bundled up in three layers of clothes – the white tee, the striped shirt and the hoodie, his coat discarded on the back of his chair – Jaehyun feels comfortable enough to forget about Sicheng’s earlier ramblings. It’s almost as if they were just lazing around together, as they typically do.

Then, as Jaehyun takes his first sip, Sicheng takes the opportunity to say, “I met Nakamoto Yuta today.”

Needless to say, Jaehyun spits out his coffee. 

It mostly lands on the table between them, but some of it gets on Sicheng. Serves him right, Jaehyun thinks, with the small percentage of his brain that isn’t trying to tie around the meaning behind Sicheng’s statement. The bigger percentage is sprinting around his skull, screaming incoherently.

“You what?”

It isn’t even a whisper. Jaehyun just mouths the words, two breathy syllables that manage out of his throat. He hopes Sicheng has been around him long enough to understand. 

Sicheng dabs at the coffee on his chin and cheek delicately, and then uses another napkin to soak up the liquid on the table. One of the waiters, a boy in Sicheng’s International Students Association named Dejun, rushes to their side and cleans the stray drops on the table. Jaehyun continues to gape at Sicheng in silence.

Unsurprisingly enough, Doyoung joins them at the coffee house then. He isn’t dressed as fancy as he does for work, the suit jacket gone and his hair ruffled from the wind, and he looks more like how Jaehyun remembers him from his time in college last year, when he ran around from the court house to the classroom.

“I see you told him the good news,” Doyoung observes as he sits down. Sicheng leans in to kiss his cheek, Doyoung reciprocating in the same manner.

“You told him before me?” Jaehyun demands. Doyoung visibly supresses an eye roll. 

Sicheng shrugs, although he looks a bit apologetic. “He was there when it happened, it wasn’t my fault.”

On any other occasion, Jaehyun would scoff, say something scathing, maybe, because that’s how he and Sicheng operate. Today, however, his tongue feels perpetually stuck to the roof of his mouth. 

“I need to tell Johnny,” he mumbles. He pats his pockets in search for his phone, almost frantically, until Doyoung gently glides it across the table. 

Jaehyun’s hands shake as he tries to unlock his phone, to no avail. The edges of his vision are becoming blurry and dark. Jaehyun wants to focus on his breathing, but there isn’t much he can do.

He must space out for several minutes. When he returns to the real world, Doyoung’s face is within inches of his and the older boy’s hands are on his cheeks, his grip gentle but grounding. Doyoung’s eyes are wide, earnest, and he’s breathing slowly. He clearly wants Jaehyun to follow his lead.

Jaehyun tries. The air exits his lungs raggedly the first handful of minutes, until he’s able to breath normally again. Doyoung releases his face, but only after he’s made sure Jaehyun feels better. Sicheng is eyeing them worriedly from his spot, his eyebrows scrunched together and his bottom lip trapped between his teeth. Dejun lingers awkwardly a few tables away, as if waiting to see if Jaehyun will throw up, pass out or die while he’s on shift.

A pinging on his phone does it. Jaehyun’s attention snaps to the device and, even though his heart continues to beat faster than what he considers healthy, his fingers scramble to take it. He recognises Johnny’s personal ringtone.

Johnny’s asking him if everything is all right. The text is casual, probably referring to the fact he’s skipping class when it’s so uncharacteristic of him. Jaehyun wants to say yes, it’s fine. He also wants to say no, I need you. He can’t tell which one of them is true and which one is a lie.

Doyoung offers to drive Jaehyun home, after Sicheng insists he skips his classes and rests. “You just received some of the biggest news of your life,” Sicheng said firmly, “so fuck your teachers, go home and nap.”

Jaehyun finally texted Johnny, but he omitted everything about Sicheng meeting Yuta. He simply told him he wasn’t feeling too well and would be going back to their place early. It took nearly half an hour for him to reply, he was probably in class, and he just said he’d swing by with take out for lunch.

Before they leave, however, Sicheng rants for five minutes about Yuta and the way they met. Apparently, Nakamoto Yuta is the new forensics consultant at the D.A’s office, where Doyoung works. He met him while he was visiting the lawyer. He accidentally bumped into him as he exited the elevator to Doyoung’s floor. 

Sicheng gushes, “Oh my God, Jaehyun, he’s so hot,” He groans, as if it pains him to think about it. “I’d hit that.”

Jaehyun’s eyes flicker to Doyoung. The lawyer is nodding along in agreement to everything Sicheng says. Sicheng continues, “And he’s actually really nice, you know? My first impression of him was bitchy hot dude you take home after a night out and he disappears before dawn, but then we started talking and it changed completely.”

“My first impression of him was that I’d be willing to deck him without previous notice,” Doyoung snorts.

“You kinda like him, though, admit it.”

Doyoung presses his lips together and doesn’t say anything further. Still, Jaehyun sees the small smile threatening to break on his face. 

Later, Jaehyun sits in Doyoung’s car and thinks about the current state of his life. A half of him is static, over the moon, to know that Yuta is there, right at his reach. He’s, realistically, a phone call away – Jaehyun could ask Doyoung to help him out, set up a place and time for them to meet and it would be over. Jaehyun could finally meet his final soulmate, his only soulmate as far as other people are concerned. Only a handful of people know the truth, asides from Jaehyun and his parents, and he intends on keeping it that way.

The other half of him, the increasingly more powerful half, is ape shit terrified of the turn of events. He knows it’s only a matter of time other people hear about this, their other friends: Taeyong and Doyoung are always together, Ten somehow manages to get his hands on everything concerning Johnny and he doesn’t know how much he can trust Dejun not to have eavesdropped on their conversation. No offense to the kid, but he doesn’t know him all that well, has never held a conversation with him outside of the coffee house.

The minutes tick by and Doyoung drives in silence. Jaehyun has always liked the older man, ever since they met in high school and Sicheng introduced him, with a smile that couldn’t be anything other than dreamy and in love, as his soulmate. Doyoung had been smiling then, too, teeth and gums in display. Jaehyun tried to be even a little bit intimidating, just to play the protective best friend role, but it was futile. Just one look and Jaehyun knew Doyoung was incapable of hurting Sicheng.

Jaehyun is thankful to Doyoung for driving him home, but even more so for giving him space. Doyoung doesn’t try to make small talk or spoon anything out of him; when he parks outside Jaehyun’s apartment building, he reminds him gently he can call if he needs anything. Jaehyun thanks him, as genuinely as possible, and goes upstairs so he can bury his face in his pillow and scream.

Johnny finds him like that, hours later. It’s lunch time and the first thing to alert Jaehyun of his presence is the tantalizing smell of burgers and fries, the sound of the front door opening and closing registering in his brain later. Jaehyun doesn’t move from his spot on the bed, barely lifts a hand to wave idly in the direction of their bedroom door.

“Everything okay in Jaehyun’s world?” Johnny asks. They have a rule of no eating in bed, set after a bad spell of ants fucking everywhere in their room. However, Jaehyun is quick to discard that rule in favour of stuffing his face with cheese and bacon fries. 

They eat together. Johnny doesn’t ask if he’s all right in the meantime again, only talks about his classes and the assignment he has, to capture things that make him happy. Jaehyun suggests he takes pictures of him, as a joke, but Johnny hums in consideration. Jaehyun supresses an embarrassed groan and eats more fries. “Chaeyeon sent me her notes of today and I think I’m glad I wasn’t there. It looks boring as hell.”

Johnny laughs. “Ten wouldn’t stop texting me today. I swear the professor noticed because she kept glaring at me the entire class.”

“Did you tell him you were busy?”

“I did and it only made him more annoying.”

That sounds like Ten. The Thai boy makes it his mission to pester Johnny, because he knows Johnny is incapable of being mad at him; Jaehyun hasn’t ever even seen them fight for real, only bicker and give each other the cold shoulder for a handful of hours, a day at most.

The food doesn’t last long, and soon enough Jaehyun is rolling up the last used napkin and attempting to slam-dunk it into the paper bin. He fails horribly and scowls at Johnny when he snickers. Their room is plunged into silence, nothing but the sound of a bird outside their window and the _tap tap_ of a faucet improperly shut. Johnny’s eyes are on Jaehyun, curious and respectful. Jaehyun knows he wants to prod, knows that he wants to ask and get all the answers he’s looking for, but he also knows Johnny won’t push it if it makes Jaehyun uncomfortable in any way. Johnny is always careful in that sense, not just with him but with everyone else – Jaehyun supposes that’s what turned him off from studying journalism. Johnny couldn’t hound anyone for information to save his life.

“Sicheng had some interesting news for me today.”

Johnny makes a sound to show he’s listening. Jaehyun doesn’t miss the way his eyes light up upon the realisation that Jaehyun will share what’s on his mind, and it shouldn’t make his heart flutter the way it does.

“He tackled me at the quad, spilled my coffee and then offered to buy me a new one. Usual Sicheng behaviour. He said he met Yuta.”

All the breath knocks out of Johnny. Jaehyun takes a peak at his face and sees that the older man looks absolutely floored at the information – his face is pale but his ears and neck are flushed red, and his mouth hangs open just slightly. Out of the corner of his eyes, Jaehyun can see his hands clench and unclench rhythmically on the bed sheets.

“He did?” Johnny asks softly. 

Jaehyun nods. “Apparently, he’s Doyoung’s new co-worker. And according to them, he’s really hot. That’s all the information I got out of them, things grew complicated after that.”

“What do you mean, ‘complicated’?” Johnny asks. It’s sweet of him to ask, even sweeter the clear concern, but Jaehyun wishes he hadn’t. Jaehyun doesn’t want to admit that things might be getting bad for him again.

He can’t avoid it, though. Johnny will find out, one way or another, whether through him or Sicheng and Doyoung will rat him out. There’s no escaping the truth. 

“I had a panic attack,” Jaehyun admits. “I guess it was too much and I freaked out. I don’t know how long it lasted but I know Doyoung was the one to bring me down. He drove me home after that. He was really nice about it.”

“Doyoung’s usually very nice.” Johnny inspects Jaehyun’s face for a handful of seconds and then moves the used napkins, paper bag and plastic containers out of the way. The bed is clear of obstructions and he can shuffle forward, rest a hand on Jaehyun’s thigh and tangle the other with his. “Jaehyun. Do you think you should go back to therapy?”

Jaehyun appreciates that he asks. If it were anyone else, Jaehyun would he herded to see a shrink. His parents, for instance. Or Taeyong. Johnny never forces Jaehyun to do anything he doesn’t want to, not even if it’s for his own good. The one and only time he did, it was a life or death situation. 

“Maybe. Maybe the attack was a separate episode?” Jaehyun knows it sounds weak. “I’d rather wait to see if something else happens.”

“Are you sure about that?” Johnny presses. He’s making sure Jaehyun knows what he’s asking, not just of himself but of Johnny – Jaehyun isn’t just asking to wait for another panic attack to happen before seeking help, he’s asking Johnny to stew in his worry until it happens. 

“Yes. Please,” Jaehyun nearly pleads with his eyes.

Johnny sighs and his hands fall away, but he’s resigned to indulging Jaehyun’s ridiculous decision. “Alright. We can wait and see if something else happens, but at the slightest sign of depression I’m hauling your ass to the doctor, is that clear?”

Jaehyun nods quickly. Johnny sighs again and shakes his head, but there’s a fond smile playing at his lips. “You’re lucky I love you.”

Per Jaehyun’s insistence, Doyoung agrees to wait a week or so for the two of them to get their shit together before they meet Yuta. Johnny argued, and Jaehyun is inclined to agree, that there’s no way Yuta could know of him, so there’s no harm in waiting a little bit. Even if Jaehyun doesn’t wish to wait a second longer.

During that week, Jaehyun does some serious inner work. He wants to meet Yuta, wants to meet his final soulmate, wants to hold his hand and finally feel complete. But he wants to do all that with a clear head and no fear driving him crazy. He feels like he’s had enough of that with Jungwoo and Johnny, and would like to start at least one relationship without a care in the world.

It isn’t easy, though. Jaehyun spends the first three nights crying his eyes out, balls deep in a panic attack he doesn’t even realise he’s having until it’s all over and Johnny is wiping tear marks away from his cheeks and cradling him gently to his chest. Then, the next two nights he stares at their ceiling with unblinking eyes. He can’t tell which activity is more draining.

Johnny makes the appointment with his shrink for him and drives him there before Jaehyun can even think to say no. “We said we’d wait for another episode. It’s been three. I’m not waiting any longer.”

Jaehyun can understand where he’s coming from, yet it doesn’t sooth the betrayal he feels simmering under his skin. He always hated to be in therapy – even if his doctor is kind and never makes him feel bad for staying silent a good portion of the session – and he dreads the idea of being on his meds again.

The lobby is the same as it always has been. There’s the same water fountain in the corner and the same plush, purple chairs in the waiting area. His doctor insists Johnny joins them for the first half of the session and proceeds to interrogate him about their current situation. She’s a portly, middle-aged woman, white fraying the edges of her black hair dye and brown lipstick the only sign of makeup on her. 

Jaehyun feels like he’s having an out of body experience the whole session, and can’t remember much of it afterwards. He does know, however, that he’s condemned to biweekly sessions until further notice. Johnny reminds him almost three times after they exit, and he only stops when Jaehyun’s mood begins to go sour.

One evening, they’re sitting shoulder to shoulder on their couch, eating a salad Johnny wanted to try out, when Jaehyun says, “I think I’m ready to meet Yuta.”

To his credit, Johnny doesn’t seem too surprised to hear that. The older man hums, spears a tomato slice with his fork. Jaehyun continues: “But I don’t know if I should tell him straight on about you and Jungwoo. I mean, we haven’t told Jungwoo yet.”

They haven’t. Jungwoo has already buried so deep into their skins, Jaehyun doesn’t want to entertain the idea of losing him. Which is what he thinks – no, what he’s convinced – will happen the second he tells the truth.

“I think we should compromise.”

Jaehyun startles. Of all the things he though Johnny would say, this didn’t cross his mind.

“I know you’re the one with the names on your skin, but I’m just as involved in this as you are, Jae,” Johnny says gently, “and I really want to tell them. I can’t wait to be with them, for the four of us to be together. I know it’s hard, but please, hear me out.

“Go out with Yuta. Take him out on a date and get to know him. Make sure he isn’t a total asshole, a psychopath, or a furry. But, after that, you and I will call them here and we will tell them, together. I’ve seen the way Jungwoo looks at you; he’s already in love with you. Maybe with us, I don’t know. I hope he is, I…” he trails off.

“You really like him.” It isn’t a question. Johnny seems pained, as if he can’t handle the idea of Jungwoo loving Jaehyun but not him. As if the idea of not being of Jungwoo’s fancy is too much to bear. 

“No, I don’t like him,” Johnny shakes his head. “I’m so in love with him it hurts.”

Jaehyun draws out a groan of exhaustion. “God, I wish you hadn’t said that. Now I have to go ahead and do what you want.”

Johnny laughs. It isn’t as carefree as it used to be, a tad tight at the edges, and Jaehyun has a moment of self-realisation. 

Johnny is right. Jaehyun isn’t the only one involved in this four-soulmates business; there are three other people with him. Two of them might be unaware of it, but one knows, and Jaehyun is hurting him by wallowing in his self-pity for so long. Jaehyun is twenty two years old now; he should be old enough to know that hiding from his problems won’t make them disappear.

“I’ll ask Doyoung to set us up,” Jaehyun promises. “And, uh, you should ask Jungwoo out. Even if it takes another week or two to talk to them, you shouldn’t wait so long to woo him. And for the record – I think he’s in love with you, too. He looks at you like the sun shines out of your ass.”

This time, the laugh Johnny lets out is genuine.

The farthest thing from Jaehyun’s mind right now is university. Chaeyeon and Minghao keep him updated with assignments and notes on the days he can’t bother to show up, and sometimes on the days that he does, too. His mind is scattered in five different directions and no one can blame him for being distracted. 

Jaehyun almost misses two assignments in a row. He has to pull a short, minute and a half video out of his ass – well, from the depths of his camera reel, anyways – and turns it in with less than ten minutes on the clock before the deadline. Johnny hovers like a mother goose every time he catches sight of Jaehyun slipping back into bad habits and he even goes as far as to rat him out to Sicheng for backup. 

Sicheng eyes him worriedly after the third time Jaehyun almost walks into someone else on the sidewalk. Jaehyun allows him to lead him by the arm to a more secluded area of the block, yet he avoids eye contact when Sicheng tries to weasel answers out of him. Sicheng wants to know if he’ll be meeting Yuta soon, if he’ll say anything to Jungwoo first or if he’ll wait for the four to know each other and Jaehyun doesn’t know what to say. He already made his promise to Johnny – however, he hasn’t made a move to act on it. The guilt is eating him alive.

They meant to go back to Sicheng’s for lunch, but they made a detour to visit Chenle, Sicheng’s little cousin. The boy just recently began to live by himself and - according to Sicheng - his mother has been a nervous wreck all week. Apparently, she’s worried he’ll poison himself to death attempting to cook. 

As it stands, they’re closer to Chenle’s block building than to Sicheng’s. Jaehyun shakes Sicheng’s worried hands off with a laugh that is faker than not and tells him to stop being such a worry wart. Sicheng purses his lips and doesn’t say anything.

They resume their walking. Sicheng stops to pick up a penny from the streets and shows it off to Jaehyun with a wide smile when the door to the steak house they’re in front of opens and out walks Doyoung, laughing along to something his companion said.

Jaehyun notices them first and he waves cheerfully at the older man, bowing to the man next to him. Sicheng wheels around, beaming at the sight of his soulmate. His smile dims, just this much, when he sees who he’s with, but that goes unnoticed by Jaehyun.

Jaehyun’s mind finally fragments. He’s staring at the prettiest face he’s seen, the prettiest smile he’s ever had the honour to witness. The man has a sparkly bobby pin holding his bangs to the side and his exposed ear has piercings in numerous places.

“Jae.” Jaehyun snaps out of his daze at the sound of his name. Doyoung is talking to him. “Jaehyun, this is my new co-worker, Yuta. Yuta, meet Jaehyun. He’s Sicheng’s best friend.”

It all feels like it’s happening in slow motion. Yuta’s smile becomes for him specifically, his eyes meet Jaehyun’s for a brief moment before they, involuntarily or not, travel south. Jaehyun can almost feel it in his bones, the moment Yuta sees the tattoo that is so on display, his own name reflected back to him on the skin of Jaehyun’s collarbones. Jaehyun’s throat is tight with baited breath and his heart is hammering against his ribs as he waits for a reaction.

Yuta’s smile dims for a second in surprise, then returns full-force, even stronger than before. Jaehyun’s skin tingles, all over, and when Yuta says, “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” it steals the air out of his lungs. Is it possible to fall in love with a voice? Jaehyun would think it is.

Jaehyun doesn’t have to turn around to know Sicheng is staring holes into the side of his skull. Likewise, Doyoung is watching the interaction with wide, unblinking eyes. Jaehyun knows he has to say something back, but he’s lost all ability to speak. All of his brain cells are hyper focused on the sight of Yuta’s pearly white teeth and twinkling eyes.

Sicheng buries his elbow into the side of Jaehyun’s ribs. Jaehyun releases a huff of breath and, at last, snaps out of his thoughts. Long enough to utter out something that he hopes is passable for a greeting and a pleasantry. 

A beat of silence passes. Jaehyun can’t tear his eyes away from Yuta and Yuta can’t seem to do it, either. Doyoung and Sicheng share a look in Jaehyun’s peripheral vision, suddenly the lawyer says, “Sicheng and I will be at our place if you need us, goodbye,” and then the two disappear. 

Yuta shuffles his feet, perhaps shyly, Jaehyun can’t tell, and then he’s offering Jaehyun to have a drink. “We could, I don’t know, get to know each other?”

The bar isn’t too far from the steak house. Yuta offers to buy him something to eat, as well, seeing as Jaehyun is close to dying of famine at this point. He and Sicheng never did make it to lunch, after all. Jaehyun is reluctant to agree, since he doesn’t want Yuta’s first impression of him to be of him stuffing his face with food. However, all it takes is for a waitress to walk past their table with a tray full of burgers and fries and he finds himself nodding his head.

Yuta recommends him to try the bacon and cheese burger with the chilly fries. He shares that he’s come to this bar more times than he can count and knows their menu like the back of his hand, and promises that he would never lead Jaehyun astray with his suggestions.

Time flies while they talk. Yuta asks him question after question, so endearingly curious to know everything about him, and Jaehyun had forgotten what it felt like. He and Johnny have been together for so long – ever since the day Johnny walked into him while he changed his clothes and saw the tattoo of his name – and it’s been a while since anyone showed this level of attention to him.

Don’t get him wrong, Johnny looks at him like he’s the most precious thing he’s seen, has done so from the very beginning, and that hasn’t changed. But there’s something different about Yuta – maybe because he knows they’re soulmates, maybe because it’s their first time meeting, who knows? – and it leaves a set of butterflies in his tummy every time Yuta smiles at him or laughs at his lame jokes.

Jaehyun isn’t a big fan of talking about himself, however, and soon he changes the topic to one he considers wildly more interesting: Nakamoto Yuta. Yuta laughs bashfully, makes a show of seeming devastated he won’t learn more about Jaehyun’s obsession with Uno and allows Jaehyun to interrogate him, in turn.

Yuta, as it is, isn’t a forensics medic yet; he finished Med school and is now pursuing his masters. However, they hired him early because of his knowledge – he’s taken workshops, extra classes, sat in seminars and attended anything he could get his hands on regarding the subject – and it resulted in him catching the attention of Doyoung’s boss. 

“I’m not in the position to sit in trial or anything of the sorts, but they pick my brain for cases and pay me good money, so I can’t complain,” Yuta laughs. The bobby pin on his hair glints in the light and it distracts Jaehyun momentarily. “You know, if you take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

Jaehyun purses his lips – he’s used to others teasing him, that’s for sure, Johnny does it for sport, it seems, and Jungwoo likes to flirt and wink only to see him blush like a middle-school girl – and bites his tongue. He’s tempted to agree, maybe ask if he can film him, as well, while he laughs or talks because he thinks Yuta would make for the perfect muse, but he doesn’t say any of that. Instead, he chucks a balled up napkin at his face and laughs at the outraged gasp he receives in return.

Soon enough, it’s time for Jaehyun’s last class of the day and Yuta needs to return to the office if he wants to receive payment for the day, so they must say goodbye. Jaehyun doesn’t think he hides his disappointment very well, because Yuta smiles and slips him his phone number on a napkin. Jaehyun is so distracted, looking at the scribbled numbers and name on the same handwriting that is on his collarbones, that he doesn’t notice Yuta going off to pay for the both of them.

Jaehyun slams the door to their apartment at the end of the day and shouts, “Johnny!”

Johnny drops something in the kitchen, startled most likely, and shouts something back that he probably meant to announce his whereabouts. Not that Jaehyun couldn’t tell from all the noise he’s making. Jaehyun ditches his book-bag by the door and kicks off his shoes, half-heartedly shoving them into the shoe rack before he makes his way further inside.

“I met Yuta and he’s gorgeous and I’m in love and I want you and Jungwoo to meet him,” he lets out in a rush. Jaehyun spent the bus ride home thinking and overthinking how he would share the news with Johnny. And yet, it slipped out of him as if it was nothing, so different to the speech he had prepared.

You could hear a pin drop. The kitchen is plunged into silence, broken only by the noises of the city beyond their windows. Jaehyun thinks he can hear the elevator ping as it opens again, and then the kids that live next door are spilling into the hallway as noisily as they possibly can.

Johnny’s eyes speak nothing. His hand is still on the steak knife and a kitchen rag thrown haphazardly over his shoulder. Jaehyun can see a bottle of sesame oil left open on the counter. Johnny’s mouth hangs open in surprise, his face otherwise a blank surprise.

It doesn’t take long for Jaehyun to begin to fidget nervously. He has no way of knowing how Johnny feels about this and it’s, quite honestly, scary as shit. Realistically, logically, rationally, Johnny should be feeling elated at the news. God knows how many nights the two of them have stayed up, talking about this very moment, imagining what their soulmates might look like and be like. Even more importantly, Johnny was always the one to start the conversation, far more enthusiast about it because he’s the optimistic loser of the two. And also because he knows how much the idea scares Jaehyun half to death and wants to make it seem less terrifying.

And yet.

And yet Jaehyun’s biggest fears are all manifesting right in front of him. His brain has run away from him and left in its stead a demon, a demon that is conjuring the worst scenarios, the ugliest words Johnny could utter, telling him Johnny won’t want to stay with him, it’s too much, it’s too real or too fast and he’s going to bail, and Jaehyun will be left alone, lost and heartbroken. Jaehyun doesn’t think he could survive a breakup with Johnny. 

His worries must manifest on his face because Johnny snaps out of whatever stupor he was in and he rushes forward to cradle Jaehyun’s cheeks in his hands, belatedly discarding the knife on the counter next to them. Johnny’s hands are warm and smell like the vegetables he’s been chopping, like oil and meat. Jaehyun doesn’t care his hands are dirty, only cares that Johnny’s eyes are big and earnest and grounding.

“Did you like him that much?” Johnny asks him, almost teasingly so. He’s trying to diffuse the tension lining Jaehyun’s shoulders. “More than me?”

“As of right now? Yes, Yuta is definitely my favourite; he isn’t so mean to me.” 

Johnny laughs, deep in his chest. He looks impossibly happy.

“Alright, so he isn’t mean, that means he’s boring,” Johnny counts, “what else?”

Jaehyun doesn’t know where to start. There is a litany of things he could say about Yuta, in spite of only having met him today, and it makes him giddy to think about all the things he could learn – he _will_ learn, overtime – about him. 

“He wears glittery bobby pins and smiles like sunshine,” Jaehyun sighs. Johnny’s eyes crinkle behind the force of his smile and he leans forward to brush the faintest of kisses on Jaehyun’s lips before stepping back, taking his hands with him. “Your hands smell of garlic.”

This time, the laugh is even louder. Jaehyun laughs along with him and offers his help to finish their dinner.

Spring comes and kicks up Jaehyun’s allergies, to the point where his nose is constantly stuffy, red and dripping and his eyes itch more than usual. Johnny takes to carrying handkerchiefs around, just in case, and Jaehyun pops anti-allergies like they’re M&Ms. Ten is the same, teary-eyed every time they go outside, and the few times Jaehyun catches sight of Taeyong, his cheeks carry the tell-tale redness of pollen allergies.

More than half of Jaehyun’s energies go to his studies. His film projects move along smoothly, thank God, and the few essays or research papers he has to do are on subjects he enjoys, so the hours he spends pouring over them are worth it. Jaehyun feels incredibly lucky for that, and his grades reflect the ease he feels. This, however, doesn’t mean he has any more free time than his classmates do. It becomes costume for him to see Johnny only in the mornings and at night, sometimes not at all, if they’re too busy.

Jungwoo and Yuta become easy fixtures in their lives. Johnny continues his strange flirting stances with Jungwoo, goes out for meals with him, goes to the park with him, and snaps endless photos of the younger boy, until his camera roll has nothing but him, Jaehyun and his friends, sceneries fucked. Johnny’s always said he likes to capture people more than sights.

Jaehyun also hangs out with Jungwoo, though on less occasions. Most of the time, they are accompanied by Johnny, and often times Ten and Kun invite themselves along. Jungwoo takes a liking to stealing their hoodies and wear them to campus, sending Jaehyun into panic every time he sees him because it isn’t fair, it isn’t fair his soulmate is so heart achingly perfect.

Their relationship changes, a shift that they can’t see but they can feel. Jungwoo is calmer now, less racy and overwhelming, and they’re good friends now, maybe even more if Jaehyun wants to hope. And by God, he wants to hope. He’s found himself staring at Jungwoo’s lips as he speaks more than once and he’s certain Jungwoo has noticed too. The first time it happened Jaehyun expected Jungwoo to tease him about it, as he is prone to do, but instead he’s met with a faint blush and averted eyes. His desire only grew tenfold and it has become a gnawing sensation on the pit of his stomach.

Yuta, on the other hand, is doing a strange bid of courting Jaehyun. Jaehyun sometimes feels like a bachelorette in the 19th century Europe, only he’s Asian, far past the age of marriage and a boy. Yuta is a complete gentleman every time they meet, makes him laugh, blush and feel like his heart will burst with happiness. The only downside is that Yuta is yet to make a move at kissing him.

Johnny makes fun of him for it, whenever Jaehyun whines he wants a kiss, until Jaehyun reminds him he hasn’t kissed Jungwoo, either. They’re both pining for two boys, Johnny almost pining for Yuta even though he hasn’t met him yet, and it feels a little ridiculous. However, something good does come out of it: whenever one of them comes home, pouty and searching for lips, they end up kissing for hours, giggling to each other and – sometimes, - whispering to each other what it might be like to kiss their two soulmates.

The day starts out ordinarily, nothing to be worried about. Jaehyun attends to all his classes and then heads back home, takes a well-deserved nap and wakes up just in time to make dinner. The decision to bring them all together was the hard part, and now that the day is here, Jaehyun can’t wait for the clock to strike 7pm.

Johnny promised he’d home on time to help tidy up their living space. Jaehyun only puts out their fancy silverware and plates – courtesy of Johnny’s grandmother – and then begins to work on the iced tea while the potatoes bake and the grill heats up. Soon enough, their apartment smells delicious and Jaehyun’s stomach begins to growl loudly.

For a while, it’s only the music coming from the radio – Johnny’s favourite station recently added a new slot for a show that plays old, indie music and it is slowly becoming Jaehyun’s favourite show – and the sizzle of the grill. Jaehyun cooks steak, the best they can afford, and has it all ready by the time Johnny arrives home, Jungwoo in tow. Jaehyun barely has time to shower and get the smell of food off of him beforehand; he was cutting it that short.

Jungwoo smiles dazzlingly at Jaehyun when he walks into the apartment, bearing a patisserie box in his arm. It is the kind of smile that tells Jaehyun that maybe, just maybe, it isn’t just Johnny Jungwoo has fallen for. Jaehyun thinks he smiled back, but he couldn’t tell much more from the rapid beating of his heart. Jaehyun remembers Johnny kissed his cheek before diving into their bedroom to freshen up, leaving Jungwoo and Jaehyun alone.

A handful of minutes afterward, their doorbell rings and Yuta is standing there, in all his beautiful, breath-taking glory. Yuta has donned his piercings, the dangly earring and the sparkling bobby pin he wore the day they met, otherwise dressed in his work attire – a three piece grey suit – and he looks every bit the reason Jaehyun has been having trouble breathing. Jungwoo barely has any reaction to hearing Yuta’s name, carefully not looking at Jaehyun’s collarbones, and he greets Yuta with that blinding smile of his. 

The first hour of their dinner is great. It goes smoother than Jaehyun hoped for, and he is so glad to see Jungwoo and Yuta are into each other, even if they don’t seemingly realise. It isn’t hard to tell, with the way Yuta eyes Jungwoo, equal parts fascinated and as if Jungwoo were a meal served on a golden platter, or the way Jungwoo’s eyes glint every time Yuta returns his obvious flirtations tactics. There are so many things to discuss, and Jaehyun has no qualms about how terribly wrong things could go, but he has hope. And he’s enjoying to see them, his three soulmates, gathered in the same room and laughing together.

Johnny clearly feels the same way, seeing the same things Jaehyun does. They share a victorious smile over their beers and relax into their couch cushions, surer than ever they made the right decision. 

This is why Jaehyun can tell them, sans the knot in his throat, that there is something they need to talk about, the four of them. The second he has their attention, though, Jaehyun feels his chest seize up with apprehension. Johnny offers moral support through squeezing his hand, and Jaehyun doesn’t miss the way Yuta’s eyes trail the movement. Today, Jaehyun has forgone the makeup concealer. Yuta stares at his name on display above Jaehyun’s collarbones, then at the joined hands between their thighs.

“Um, I know tonight has been nice and I know this is probably going to ruin things but I have to show you something.”

Johnny releases his hand and Jaehyun stands up. His heart hammers against his ribcage as he unbuttons his dress shirt, button by painstaking button, until the fabric hangs from his fingertips. Jaehyun doesn’t dare look at anyone, not even Johnny – he fears that he will see the other two’s reactions reflected in Johnny’s eyes and isn’t certain he’d be able to handle it.

There’s far too much silence in the living room. Goosebumps rise on Jaehyun’s skin from the blast of the air conditioner and he has enough state of mind to feel self-conscious about his hardened nipples. The radio is still on, playing a show on spooky stories. The cake Jungwoo brought sits on the table, unfinished.

Jungwoo speaks first. His voice is small, tentative, much like the first time they heard him speak and he had been deadly shy. “Is that my name?”

“And your handwriting,” Johnny answers, kindly. Jaehyun keeps reminding himself that Johnny is right there, right behind him, everything will be okay, as long as Johnny stays there. “Yuta’s, too.”

The sound of his name snaps Yuta out of whatever reverie he’d been in, finally. His eyes are stone cold, though. “I can see that. Didn’t think to tell me this sooner? Maybe before I took you out on dates?”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Jungwoo asks, this time directly at Johnny. The hurt and betrayal are palpable in his voice. Jaehyun scrambles to put his shirt back on and falls on the seat next to Johnny, shivering. Jaehyun knows it isn’t from the cold.

“We’ve known each other for months,” Jungwoo continues, growing colder with each word, “we’ve hung out endless times, we’ve -” he interrupts himself, “fuck, Johnny, what the fuck?”

Yuta keeps staring at Jaehyun with hardened eyes. His lips, typically stretched back into a grin, are sealed shut. There’s icy anger bubbling under the surface of his skin, Jaehyun can see. His entire posture screams unforgiving. “I don’t believe this,” he scoffs, “you actually lied to me. My own soulmate lied to me from the very start.”

“I didn’t lie,” Jaehyun defends himself feebly, “I just didn’t tell you about this. I didn’t know how to.”

Yuta spits, “Bullshit,” at the same time Jungwoo scoffs. It stings somewhere to the left of Jaehyun’s chest. Johnny’s body goes rigid, ready to jump to his defence, but Jaehyun presses their shoulders together, just barely, so he’ll know it is okay. It isn’t, not in the slightest, but he doesn’t want Johnny to get into a fight with them.

“You could have said something,” Jungwoo mutters. Somehow, Jaehyun thinks he’s speaking more to Johnny than to Jaehyun. “In all these months, every time we went out, you knew and you didn’t say anything.”

“It’s more complicated than you think,” Johnny tries, always the voice of reason, “Otherwise, we really would have told you.”

“Why do I not believe you?” Jungwoo whispers. 

And, just like that, Yuta and Jungwoo stand up from their seats, almost synchronized, and walk out of the apartment. Out of Jaehyun’s life.

Jaehyun doesn’t leave their apartment in days. He hardly leaves the safety of their bedroom at all, only to take the occasional shower, and mostly to pee. Johnny isn’t much better off; his shoulders continuously slumped over in tiredness and his eyes downturned. Still, he’s always taken his role as the older of the two very seriously, and he forces himself out of bed to attempt at a meal for them and to keep their home from crumbling into disaster. 

Some of their friends swing by. Sicheng is the first to show up, within hours of the shit show, with the biggest hug Jaehyun’s been in the receiving end of and a gallon of ice cream. Doyoung is with him, and while Sicheng tends to Jaehyun, Doyoung stays with Johnny in the living room and tries his best to cheer him up. They’ve always gotten along well, made close friends out of each other. 

Taeyong is next. He comes for Johnny, Jaehyun knows, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have the courtesy to bring homemade pie for Jaehyun. It’s the morning after and Jaehyun feels worse than the night before, if that’s possible at all, and he greatly appreciates the sight and scent of the treat. 

“Doyoung told me what happened,” Taeyong says to them while washing the dishes stacked up on their sink. Johnny tried to protest, even tried to drag Taeyong away from the kitchen, but once something gets in his head, Taeyong does it. “So there’s no need to relive it for my sake.”

As if Jaehyun will ever stop replaying that night. He didn’t sleep at all and his eyes feel puffy, heavy. Johnny’s face is sunken, the usual jovial smile gone from his lips. Still, Johnny manages something akin to a grin for Taeyong’s sake and says, “No secrets around here, huh? Like I wouldn’t tell you myself.”

Taeyong laughs, so softly they hear it just barely. Jaehyun can tell he’s laughing because his shoulders tremor with the action. It seems like Taeyong has fallen back into old habits, his frame thinner than it should be. There was worry in Johnny’s eyes when he first saw him and there’s worry now, seeing how frail his best friend is becoming. 

“I’m gonna make you guys something to eat before I leave,” Taeyong doesn’t say it, he informs it, “Something light so you can eat it whenever. How’s stir fried rice?”

“It sounds great, hyung,” Jaehyun says from his spot on the kitchen table, a half-empty mug of coffee in front of him, “thank you.”

Jaehyun hopes the gratitude he feels conveys properly in his voice. He thinks it is, seeing Taeyong flash him a more relaxed smile before he sets off to work.

Of course, Ten and Kun find out soon enough. Jaehyun knows Jungwoo told them all about the fiasco of their date night and doesn’t blame him, but he does hate it when they call him and rip him a new one. They talk about communication - and how they should have told the truth from the beginning, how wrong it was to lead them on. And somewhere deep inside Jaehyun knows they only mean well, but they sure have a way to express it. Finally, Johnny takes the phone from him and tells them to fuck off. Then, he hushes Jaehyun while he cries a new batch of tears that don’t seem to end.

The entire week he spends coped up, Jaehyun does a lot of thinking. The one thing, however, the one memory that repeats itself over and over, more so than the memory of that night is the one of the day Johnny saw Jaehyun’s tattoos.

Jaehyun and Johnny met at a party, through their mutual friends. The actual party, he doesn’t recall; there was a lot of booze and Jaehyun was a freshman, excited to drink without having to hide it from his parents, and he was drunk before long. He does remember it was Ten the one who introduced the two (Jaehyun had met Ten weeks prior, thanks to Sicheng) and he remembers how his heart nearly stopped when he heard Johnny’s name. As a matter of fact, he thinks his heart did stop, just for a few seconds. 

They hit it off so much better than Jaehyun ever dreamed, so much so they exchanged phone numbers and texted nonstop for a week after. When Johnny asked Jaehyun if he would like to have some coffee, Jaehyun said yes within seconds. Even if Jaehyun didn’t know how to tell him about his soulmate mark, he wanted to go out with him. He didn’t care about the consequences at the time.

Within weeks, Sicheng told Jaehyun he would be moving out of their apartment and in with Doyoung, and Jaehyun had to find a new roommate before the end of the month rolled by. Johnny, nonchalantly, mentioned he needed a new place to live and Jaehyun was quick to ask if he would like to move in with him.

That was the beginning of everything, for real.

Living together in such close quarters was insane. Jaehyun thought it would be worse, that they would find out they weren’t compatible at all, but fate works perfectly, and they didn’t have a hitch bigger than one of them forgetting to do the dishes or the laundry. Yet their compatibility as roommates was the least of Jaehyun’s concerns. His real problem was keeping his secret. He didn’t think he would do it for long.

And he didn’t. Four months after Johnny officially signed the lease, Jaehyun came home from his classes. On those days, he was usually back hours before Johnny, and so he didn’t worry much when he walked into his bedroom and tossed off his shirt, not bothering to close the door. Jaehyun strolled around his room, looking for his sweatshirt, the one he’d worn the night before, when there was a cough from the entryway and Jaehyun froze.

Johnny just… stood there. Jaehyun had his back to him, which meant Johnny had yet to seen his name on Jaehyun’s chest, but Kim Jungwoo was on perfect display. Jaehyun dreaded to turn around and see the look on his face. He wasn’t speaking, either, didn’t say a word for minutes on end and Jaehyun only hoped the ground would swallow him.

He had to face the music someday, though, and he knew it. With a deep breath that did nothing for his anxiety, Jaehyun turned around. He saw it on Johnny’s face, the exact second in which Johnny saw his name, really saw it, and understood what that meant. His reaction was nothing like Jaehyun expected.

Jaehyun expected disgust. He expected anger or, at the very least, confusion. He expected Johnny to react the way those kids in the public pool did when Jaehyun was eight and he took off his shirt to swim, or the way his cousin did when he told her, or the way Sicheng did when he saw them, that flicker of pity before he masked it behind a cool façade. He received none of those.

In reality, Johnny grinned. He grinned so wide and unrestrained; Jaehyun genuinely believed Johnny had lost it, just for a moment. Johnny’s whole face glowed with the strength of his smile. Jaehyun had a hard time understanding what that meant, until he did, and he couldn’t possibly deny the immediate relief before he went back to apprehension.

“You have no idea how happy this makes me,” Johnny said, softly. That was all Jaehyun needed to hear – all he ever needed to hear, ever since he was a child.

Why couldn’t Yuta and Jungwoo react like that? Jaehyun carries the memory of Johnny’s smile with him all the time and now more than ever. Because he needs it to keep the dark cloud from destroying all he’s worked for all this time. 

His psychiatrist doubles his meds when she sees him. She also gives him new methods to handle his anxiety and instructs Johnny to keep a close eye on him from now on, until further notice. She’s sympathetic about the situation, expresses it in her own peculiar way of showing she truly cares for him, but generally keeps her no bullshit sense. 

Taeyong continues to show up at their apartment, every day or so, always with a new treat and always leaves after making them something homemade. Every time, Johnny makes sure Taeyong eats while he’s there, watching with careful eyes. Sicheng keeps Jaehyun company every day at university and sometimes even afterward, and Doyoung does some strange mother bear things like texting Jaehyun to remember his coat or calling Johnny to ask if he brought his umbrella because it seems like it’s going to rain.

Kun is the first one to come around. He shows up after Jaehyun’s last class of the day with puppy eyes and a peace offering in the form of iced tea from the popular street vendor in campus, silently asking Jaehyun to speak to him. They never were particularly close, mostly friends with mutual friends, but Jaehyun realises in that moment he’s missed the older man. 

“I’m really sorry about what happened,” Kun tells him, as sincere as he’s ever been, “I really shouldn’t have reacted that way. It’s not even my business what goes on in your relationships and it wasn’t my place to lecture you about your decisions.”

Jaehyun almost says it’s fine. Years ago, he would have. However, he can hear his psychiatrist’s voice echoing in his mind, telling him not to diminish his feelings only because he doesn’t want to be a burden to others. The urge to brush everything off for Kun’s sake is strong, but he fights against it. 

Instead, he smiles a thin smile and says, “Thank you for apologizing, it means a lot.” He can tell it wasn’t what Kun was looking for, but the man accepts it, just the same, with a grateful grin. Kun offers to accompany Jaehyun to his apartment and then, as they’re standing in front of the wooden door to his home, Kun promises to talk to Ten. 

“He’s very hard headed, as I’m sure you know, but he’s miserable without Johnny,” Kun confides in him, “so I don’t think he’ll stay away for much longer.”

Jaehyun believes that. In all the years Johnny and Ten have been friends, their fights never lasted this long, and it is hurting Johnny a lot. Probably more than the situation with Yuta and Jungwoo itself, and that’s saying something. Jaehyun thanks the heavens Taeyong’s around as often as he can. 

Nonetheless, Jungwoo beats Ten to it. 

It’s been two weeks since the incident. It’s a Saturday evening, and while it used to mean Jaehyun went clubbing, now it just means he and Johnny watch movies while eating pizza rolls and criticize the special effects. Tonight, it’s The Rocky Horror Picture Show; Brad has just dropped the ring he was about to put in Janet’s finger when their doorbell rings. Jaehyun half expects it to be Taeyong, but he’s had a key to the apartment for almost a year now. He could have lost it, sure, but that doesn’t sound like Taeyong at all.

Jaehyun opens the door, thinking he’ll be met with doe eyes and recent sandy hair, but he finds black hair and two more inches than he thought. Jungwoo doesn’t look like he’s slept at all, dressed in the first articles he found in his closet. Jaehyun can hear the droning ‘Brad’s’ from the musical score. 

“Hey,” Jungwoo utters. It isn’t more than a whisper. “Can I come in?”

His reaction is late, but Jaehyun finally nods and opens the door wider. The screen cuts back to the criminologist when Jungwoo enters the living room and his eyes meet Johnny’s. Johnny gapes at him, seemingly not believing what he’s seeing. 

“I came here to apologize,” Jungwoo says to them. He stands in the middle of the living room, his frame cutting off half of the TV screen. “I’m sorry I reacted the way I did. I’m sorry I called you liars,” his voice breaks, “and I’m sorry I left before I let you explain yourselves. That was a shitty move and I shouldn’t have done that.”

Johnny shakes his head, absentmindedly. “I get it, Woo,” the nickname slips out, seemingly without his knowledge, “I know I probably would have reacted the same way, had I been in your shoes.”

When Jungwoo shakes his head, it’s adamant, in an attempt to convey how much he means it. “No, you wouldn’t have. You’re the most understanding person I know, hyung, I know you would have stayed and listened to Jaehyun.”

Johnny doesn’t say anything to that. He had listened, in fact, to Jaehyun while he explained why he didn’t tell him sooner about his soulmate mark. He listened until Jaehyun ran out of words and wiped away the tears that escaped his eyes when he started to talk about how awful kids can be and how terribly family members can behave.

“Jaehyun,” Jungwoo calls him, still in the softest voice he can use, “I am so sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I hope… I hope we can try again.”

Jaehyun doesn’t say anything in return. Instead, he walks up to Jungwoo and kisses him.

Kissing Jungwoo feels like a puzzle piece has fallen into place. Jungwoo responds in kind, eagerly, tugging on Jaehyun’s bottom lip and holding onto his arms like his life depends on it. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Jaehyun is aware of Johnny watching them. Yet it all falls to the backburner, especially with the way Jungwoo smells – cologne and baby powder. 

Jungwoo sighs when they part. It’s a sound of relief and happiness. It sounds like coming home. It sounds like something Jaehyun wishes to hear for the rest of his life. His eyes sparkle with unshed tears – Jaehyun is looking at him through blurry eyes, too, so he can’t say much about that.

“Aw,” Johnny coos. “That was so sweet, do it again!”

Jaehyun flips him off without turning around. Jungwoo laughs and complies, kissing Jaehyun again with all he’s worth.

Later, after they’ve both had their fill of each other, they join Johnny on the couch. Jaehyun is more than happy to sit and relax, but Johnny grabs hold of Jungwoo the second he’s in range and doesn’t let go of him, not even for air. Jaehyun watches them kiss – Johnny’s jaw flexes every time he curls his tongue around Jungwoo’s and Jungwoo’s cheek bulges just so – and thinks that, if Yuta were here, he wouldn’t have to settle for just watching. Not that he minds, of course, not at all. Johnny looks good kissing Jungwoo and they look so good together, better than Jaehyun could have ever imagined. Jungwoo is tall but Johnny is taller and he almost, just almost, dwarves Jungwoo. 

Every nerve ending on his body is screaming at him to go to them. All it takes is for Johnny to peek at him, his face flushed and Jungwoo’s lips attached to Johnny’s neck, Johnny’s hand reaching out to him, for Jaehyun to make up his mind and take his spot between their bodies.

Jungwoo doesn’t leave that night. Not that he could have, if he wanted to – Johnny had him locked in an embrace worthy of a small child with their favourite toy – and it’s a good thing he doesn’t seem to have any intention on doing so. They camp out in the living room until 3am, buried under a shared blanket and stealing kisses amid whispered conversations. Jaehyun enjoys watching the pink hue in Jungwoo’s face from up close and indulges himself in kissing the apple of his cheeks anytime he wants to. Johnny does the same, littering kisses around Jungwoo’s jaw and neck, behind his ears and on the tip of his nose. 

When they deem themselves sleepy enough, they go to the bedroom. Jaehyun feels content to hold hands, but of course, that isn’t the case. Instead, Johnny and Jungwoo trap him between their bodies, Johnny spooning him from behind and Jungwoo face to face with him, their hands and legs tangled together.

The next morning. Jungwoo still sleeps when Jaehyun awakens, drooling with his head lolled to the side. Johnny’s side of the bed is empty and cold, so he must have left a while ago. Jaehyun can smell something cooking in the kitchen, but his head is fuzzy and his eyes refuse to stay open. Jungwoo snorts, sighs, then, rolls onto his side, unconsciously seeking the warmth of Jaehyun’s body, and Jaehyun falls asleep again.

The second time he wakes up, Jaehyun can distinctly identify the smell of pancakes and two separate voices in the kitchen. He can vaguely recognize the low timbre of Johnny’s voice through the walls, but the second speaker is a mystery. Jaehyun considers staying in bed, lulled to peace by Jungwoo’s body pressed against his, until something, he isn’t sure what it is, urges him to go out.

It isn’t easy to extricate himself from Jungwoo’s grasp. It’s even harder to leave the cocoon of blankets, but he replaces the heat with a hoodie discarded on the floor and socks from the drawer. His sweatpants drag against the floor as he walks out of the bedroom and towards the kitchen. Johnny is sitting on one of the barstools, a cup of steaming coffee in his hands and the day’s newspaper on the table. Directly across from him, nursing another mug, is Yuta.

Jaehyun halts in his steps. He blinks owlishly and openly stares at Yuta, who stares right back at him. Johnny watches the two of them carefully, assessing the situation, as if he’s waiting to see if he’ll have to jump in or not. Jaehyun half expects Yuta to give him the cold shoulder or leave without saying anything to him. Yuta does neither.

Instead, he raises his cup in salute and says, “Top of the morning to you.”

Jaehyun continues his trip into the room. He nods in greeting to the two and sits on a stool, the one right on the curve of the bar. His knees knock against the pillar holding the table up but he doesn’t pay any attention to it, his mind too preoccupied with things that are far more important.

“Jaehyun,” Yuta starts, his voice croaking. He clears his throat and tries again. “Jaehyun, I came here to tell you how ashamed I am for what I did. There is no excuse for it and I don’t expect you to forgive me. I was a complete asshole to you.”

Yuta’s eyes glint with unshed tears. Jaehyun suppresses a low whine of compassion and forces himself to keep a straight head, playing with the frayed edge of a mantel on the table. Johnny sips his coffee and stays silent, but Jaehyun has known him for so long he doesn’t need him to speak to know what he’s thinking.

“Furthermore,” Yuta continues – Jaehyun quirks a smile at the word – “I want to tell you I love you. And that if you’re willing to give me a second chance, I would like to get to know you, and Johnny and Jungwoo, better. I want to try this.”

Jaehyun blinks unsteadily. Those are the words he’s been hoping to hear for years and he can’t quite believe they are real. Jaehyun takes in a breath, one that’s ragged and tearful. He doesn’t know what to say in respond, isn’t certain he’ll be able to speak at all. Yuta grows less and less confident with every passing second, Jaehyun can see him start to worry he’ll be rejected, and it’s awful.

Thank the heavens, Johnny steps in. 

“Thank you for apologizing,” Johnny says. “I’m sure Jaehyun appreciates it immensely.” To show it is true, Jaehyun nods his head franticly. His tongue remains glued to the roof of his mouth and his throat is bulging with all the things he has to say. 

Yuta nods as well. Jaehyun notices how tired he seems and how low his shoulders hang. His heart pangs in compassion and empathy – he knows exactly how he feels. Jaehyun wants nothing more than to hold him, promise him everything will be okay. But he doesn’t know that. He can’t go around making promises like that, and he knows it. So he settles for reaching out and laying his hand on top of Yuta’s, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“There’s nothing I would love more than for us to try again.”

Later, as Jungwoo joins them, sleepy and with his hair ruffled, he finds Yuta wearing a big grin, Johnny staring at them with puppy love written all over his face. Jaehyun grins at Jungwoo and beckons him closer, telling him there’s pancakes on the stove and he should better eat them before they go cold.

Jungwoo doesn’t ask when Yuta got there. He doesn’t ask how or when they made up, either. All he does is sit on the empty stool next to Johnny and lay his head on Johnny’s broad shoulder, closing his eyes and speaking softly, “The next time I wake up alone I’m kicking your asses.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Johnny laughs.

This isn’t to say things are easy from then on. Yuta warns them, early on, that there’s a lot of work ahead of him if he wants this all to work out, and he isn’t wrong. He has petty tantrums, fits of jealousy over the silliest things. They never last long, and it isn’t as if any of them holds it against him, but they definitely take a toll on him. Yuta is clearly ashamed for acting the way he does sometimes and he’ll avoid them for days until it passes.

Jungwoo isn’t much better. He isn’t jealous, exactly, but he is fragile. That isn’t a word Jaehyun ever thought he would associate with Jungwoo, usually so outspoken and friendly, until he sees with his own two eyes what feeling left out can do to Jungwoo. All it takes is for them to go out without him once for Jungwoo to lock himself up in his apartment and refuse to speak to them. When he finally lets them in, he’s red-eyed and timid, and he almost doesn’t tell them what’s wrong.

Johnny suggests easing them into it, instead of going all in. Before trying a four-people date, they pair up and have small dates. Johnny takes Yuta to an amusement park, where they spin around in a teacup and hang upside down from a pirate ship until their bellies hurt from laughing and they’ve bonded to the point they feel they’ve known each other for years. That same night, Jaehyun and Jungwoo have their own date, walking along the streets of their city and eating street food.

Jungwoo and Yuta grow attached faster than Jaehyun imagined. It’s wonderful to witness, the transition of them barely speaking to outright holding hands or cuddling and it’s even better when he and Johnny are included. If Jaehyun thought having Jungwoo and Johnny was good, he wasn’t ready for the onslaught of emotion that it would be to have Yuta around as well.

The turn of events leaves such positive effects on Jaehyun, his shrink commands him for his good complexion and upbeat steps when she sees him. He must have been a wreck the last time he was in session, but as it always happens to him, Jaehyun can’t remember much from his depressive state. The best description he has for it is that it feels like waking up from a long dream. His doctor says it might be his brain’s way of dealing with the trauma.

Fights are common, but not serious. Bouts of jealousy and random moments without enough communication that leave a scar in their relationship, yet left behind quickly. They find a way to work around those moments, learn from their mistakes and make sure not to make them again. More importantly, they learn the things that upset each other and work not to do them. 

One night, while eating take out in Jungwoo’s apartment at ass o’clock, Yuta kisses Jungwoo. It’s just a peck on the lips, clearly not thought out if the surprised look on Jungwoo’s eyes mirrored in Yuta is any indication. Johnny’s eyes are bulging out of their sockets and a pleased blush overtakes his cheeks. Yuta gives a shy smile, starts to apologize, “I’m sorry, I should have asked before doing that,” then he’s interrupted by Jungwoo lunging forward and kissing him for all he’s worth.

Yuta also kisses Johnny for the first time, then. Their kiss is more tentative and slow, but just as sweet. The night is filled with many more, until all their lips are bruised and tender and they’re too tired to continue.

Ten apologizes to Johnny, eventually. It takes him a lot longer than anyone had expected it to, and only because Taeyong tricks them into going to his place at the same time and then refuses to let them out until they talk. Jaehyun isn’t there, but he hears from Johnny that Ten was in tears within minutes and bawled his apologies until Johnny cried along and forgave him. Johnny wanted to hold out longer, wanted Ten to work for his forgiveness, but he couldn’t do it. 

“Taeyong was crying too and you know that shit’s heart-breaking,” Johnny tells him.

Jaehyun is glad to know they’re back on good terms. He isn’t surprised when Ten asks to speak to him privately, aware Ten will want to say something to him, too. They sit side by side in silence for long minutes, until Ten finally says, “I never trusted you, you know? Your relationship with Johnny.”

Jaehyun startles at the admission, but he doesn’t say anything. It doesn’t seem like Ten expects him to, either, for he simply continues to speak.

“I knew you had that mark, Yuta’s name, and I didn’t think much of it when I realised the two of you were growing close. I knew you two would hit it off and that’s why I introduced you in the first place. But then I saw how Johnny looked at you, and heard how he spoke of you, and I blamed you. Because for as long as I had known you, you had never made an effort to find Yuta, and I thought you were leading him on. I didn’t want to see Johnny get hurt.

“And then you two started to date, and I wanted to hate you. Every time I saw you together, all I could see was you eventually breaking his heart. I thought I would have to pick up the pieces and I didn’t want to. You have to understand, Johnny is my best friend in the whole world and the last thing I want is to see him hurting.”

Jaehyun does understand that. He feels the same way about Sicheng, after all. He never knew Ten felt this way about him, having hidden it so well all this time, though, and it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. To think that, perhaps, Ten has been faking their friendship, hiding his bitterness and mistrust behind smiles, hurts more than he thought possible.

“Finally, I introduced you two to Jungwoo. It was the same shit, all over again. My dear friend, falling for the charms of Jung Jaehyun, unwittingly baring themselves to heartache. How I wanted to knock your teeth out every time you put your arm around him,” Ten chuckles bitterly. “Kun told me to cut it out but I couldn’t help it.”

Ten falls silent for minutes on end. Jaehyun tries to hide the way betrayal simmers in his veins. 

“When Jungwoo called me in tears, telling me he and Johnny and Yuta are your soulmates, I snapped. I thought all my suspicions were true and that you had broken their hearts. That’s why I called you and said all those things.” Jaehyun remembers exactly what things he refers to. “I apologize for those. And I apologize for all the ugly things I felt and thought about you. Johnny explained everything to me and I wish I could take it all back. It was unfair of me to assume things about you.”

Jaehyun doesn’t have it in him to deny him. Frankly speaking, Jaehyun is tired of feeling sad.

“We should probably think about this.”

Yuta’s suggestion goes largely unheard. Johnny and Jungwoo are already deep into a discussion on where their things would go and when would be the best time to do it, and Jaehyun only shrugs in his direction, offering him a smile as if to say, “What can you do?” 

Heavy rains pelt the outside world and the four decided to find shelter in Yuta’s apartment, swaddled in blankets and beers. Johnny’s graduation is days away, his suit pressed and hung on the back of their bedroom door, and he’s been restless the past week. Jaehyun knows it’s just the nerves, but there’s nothing he can do to help him, so he thought that maybe their boyfriends – boyfriends! – could help. 

The symptoms of intoxication have settled in already. Jaehyun has never had the best resistance and he knows his face is flushed with alcohol, and he likes the lightness of his limbs. Johnny has better limits and he can usually drink Jaehyun under the table, but tonight he was looking to forget and he drank twice his usual. Jungwoo was more than happy to go along and is beyond tipsy at this point, the two laughing to each other over whatever stupid shit they’re talking about together.

It is after hours of drinking and eating chips that Jungwoo says, bright-eyed and giddy, “We should move in together!”

The proposal meets overjoyed eagerness from Johnny, Jaehyun’s mumbled approval and Yuta’s sober enough refusal. Not that Yuta works too hard to refuse, mostly shakes his head and tells them to think when they’re sober. 

It doesn’t work, however. Within minutes, Jungwoo and Johnny have planned out the living arrangements and the name of their adopted pets, and Jaehyun hasn’t made an effort to talk them out of it. He’s busy crawling to Yuta’s lap and licking into his mouth, reminding him of all the things they could do if they were finally in the same space. Yuta doesn’t have many protests after that.

**Author's Note:**

> good evening 
> 
> i started to write this last year and finally got around to finishing it tonight, thought i should wait a bit before posting, then decided fuck it
> 
> if you wonder why the writing changes over the course of the story, it's because this is all written at different intervals 
> 
> pls let me know if you enjoyed this!!!
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/doitsushine92)
> 
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/doitsushine92)


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